


i'll always see you soar (above the sky)

by hooksandheroics



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:05:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hooksandheroics/pseuds/hooksandheroics
Summary: It's the end for him. At least Tessa's here. At least he can hear their daughter's cry from the next room. At least they're here.





	i'll always see you soar (above the sky)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladyfriday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyfriday/gifts).



> I swear you'll have to read until the end.

Scott’s hospital room only has one window. It’s to his left, looking out over the green grass of the hospital lawn, right at the sunshine –

He’s always loved the sun.

He’s always loved the warmth after hours at the cold rink. When it reminds him of her warm hand in his, on his skin, on his cheek. He wants to feel that again, god, he’s not religious, the chain around his neck about as far as he got. But god, he wants to feel her hand again, even when it’s just his imagination. On his cheek, against his lips, in his own hand. He wants to –

“Scott?”

She’s to his right, fingers gripping his, smiling so softly at him and if that isn’t the best thing to see for the last time… he doesn’t know what is. The sun makes her hair look like a halo around her pale skin, the light so kind to her face. How did he get so lucky?

“How do you feel?” she asks, fingers skimming his forehead. She’s so careful it hurts. He wants to tell her to stop, wants to ask for a smile, but his throat feels raw and he can’t speak. He swallows.

“Like shit,” he coughs. He feels his lungs ache, his bones, his stomach, everything. Everything feels like hell and he just wants to rest but Tessa’s here and even if he’s leaving soon, he can’t pass up time with Tess. He pours everything into the hand that’s holding his, trying to tell her everything without words.

She must notice; she brings the cup on his nightstand near his lips, lets him sit up and makes him sip a little bit. It’s cold, too cold that it’s bitter.

Tessa nods, satisfied. She returns the cup on the nightstand and returns to his bedside, her hand immediately finding his. This time, he has words.

“I lived a good life, didn’t I?” he starts, and she stutters.

“S-Scott, please –

“We had a good run.”

He can’t even recognize his own voice, too scratchy and deep. He wants to claw his throat out, it hurts too much to speak, but he has to. She has to know.

“So many gold. Silver, too.”

There was a time when he thought silver was the end of all things. The crowd was too loud, their screams too piercing. There were smiles, but they were too _media-ready_. Of all the feelings, it was the silver around his neck. It felt too heavy. It felt like disgrace. The silver dragged his neck to the ground, pinned him there, made him kiss the soil where he used to walk like a _king_. It was too much for him and he became _angry_. He became angry at the world, at his world. He became angry at her, and god. He was so young, so confused – he was flying so high, and when he came crashing down, it was with flames eating his wings until there was none left. And at the ashes, there was Tessa.

He grips her hand now and says, “I wouldn’t change anything if I were to do it all over again.”

Tessa makes a noise of protest, her eyes going misty.

“But –” he coughs. “ – I wish I had never disappointed you.”

Tessa, sweet and caring Tessa, leans over and presses a kiss to his forehead, lingering and warm and he loves her so much – so much more than his own life. If he could give whatever remains of his, he would. He wishes so much that he could.

“Please,” she tells him. “You have to rest.”

He doesn’t want to. Not if it means missing –

There’s a cry at the other side of the door, so small and so fragile, muffled by the walls of his room, and his heart squeezes so hard in his chest.

He looks at Tessa and sees the reluctance in her eyes. “Suzy?” he asks so quietly.

“She’s outside,” she replies.

“Why can’t I see her?”

She bites her lip and shakes her head. “You know why, Scott.”

“I want to see my daughter,” he demands, his voice weak but determined. He wants to see Suzy, he wants to hold her.

“Scott, please –

He nods, understanding weighing heavy in his ribcage. It dawns on him so slowly. “Okay,” he whispers instead. “Okay, just. Tell her I love her so much. Please.”

“You can tell her yourself,” Tessa says. “ _When_ you get better.”

“If I can’t –

“Scott –

“ –Tessa, if I can’t. Please tell her I love her so much. That I always will.”

There are no tears in her eyes, none of that from his strong Tessa. But it feels like there are some in his anyways. They don’t fall, but they stay at the corners of his eyes. “Take Marjo and Zach to the Olympics for me. Tell them they can do it, they have no choice. Make them work hard. Tell Zach to appreciate what he has, and Marjo – tell her she’s enough…”

She’s bent over, kissing his forehead, telling him to rest but he’s nothing if not stubborn. She tells him it’s what she’s always loved about him, all while his shoulder starting to bear the indentation of the metal band around her ring finger. He feels proud that he put that there but –

“And you,” he says. She’s so close, she’s wearing his favorite perfume, and her hair smells like strawberries. “Tessa. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she replies, and when she pulls away to look him in the eyes, her palms framing his pale cheeks, there’s pleading in her eyes. “Please, please don’t speak.”

“I love you,” he continues, as if he hasn’t worn out those words in the last couple of years. “But if love finds you again… you have to let it in.”

“Scott,” she says again, this time, with a warning in her tone. She hates talking about this, he knows it. But she has to hear it from him.

“Don’t mourn me forever,” he finally says. And –

She leans over again to kiss his clammy forehead. “I can’t,” she says. “I’ll never fall in love again, I promise you.”

And okay, that’s a bit quick.

“Not even if he’s taller. Not even if he can grow a beard. He can’t be a blond, I don’t even like blonds,” she gives a small sniffle. “And I can’t love anyone who has a deeper voice than you –

“Tessa,” he chokes. He’s possibly dying _right now_ and it’s all because of her. “I’m kidding, please don’t marry anyone else –

And then the world goes white, he can’t breathe, there’s nothing to see but the whiteness of his extra hospital pillow against his face as Tessa smothers him with it. He coughs and struggles against it, managing to pull it away from his face, pouting at his wife –

“You almost killed me!” he says, and if his throat doesn’t hurt, it would have been the most indignant he’s ever been.

“I should have,” she says, tone hard and unforgiving. “Twenty minutes ago. You have a head cold, Scott. You’re not leaving this earth.”

“But I’m in a hospital…”

“Because you collapsed during a training session and Marie and Patch brought you in,” Tessa interjects, now standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, the pillow forgotten on his lap. “If you’re _that_ sick, you have to tell me.”

He looks down at the fluffy pillow sheepishly. And okay, he might have been a little bit too dramatic. “I didn’t wanna worry you.”

Tessa glances around the _hospital_ room, and then at his IV, and then at his _hospital_ bed, and okay.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead. “Never again, I swear.”

Tessa sighs, takes her seat next to him again and takes his hand. “Yeah, okay.”

She lays her head on his arm and they stay like that in silence, her thumb skimming the back of his hand soothing and warm.

“All those things you said,” she whispers, the cries of their baby daughter heard from outside. Marie must be holding her. “They’re sweet.”

“Yeah?”

“But I hope… we…”

He kisses the top of her head, chuckling softly. “No, never. We’re going to die together. In the same bed. Holding each other. There’s no other way.”

She’s quiet for another minute, and then she looks up at him with a smile. “You’ve been watching a lot of romcoms again.”

He shrugs and forces her head on his arm again, his fingers threading through her hair.

*

Coda:

When he wakes up again, Tessa’s beside him on the bed, snuggled into his side so tightly that he almost cannot breathe. Marie and Patch stand at the foot, Patch holding a sleeping baby girl in his arms.

Scott gives them a shrug. “She got a bit dramatic on me,” he whispers.

Marie nods. Patch frowns. Well, at least one of them believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> hehehehehehehehehhhehehehehe come on, i know you wanna yell at me. or not. lmao. leave a kudos or a comment or come say hi to me on twitter @hooksandheroics
> 
> til next time


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